OK so at my church I started this street evangelism group called FTH (Feed the Hungry). I originally started it but was afraid to be in charge of it, because… well actually I don’t really know why but anyways the right person is in charge of it now and its better that way because ill be going off to college next year and couldn’t be in charge of it anyways.
Well last month when FTH went down town to feed the homeless a few ladies and I sat down with this man (I actually don’t remember his name so lets call him John). So John began expressing his feeling towards religion period. Instantly I realized that this man was going to be an interesting person to communicate with. He expressed that he messes up a lot and God doesn’t deserve someone like him; someone who constantly makes the same mistake over and over again. I tried to tell him that were only human and God expects us to mess up again and again, because it’s in our human nature to do so. We can try as hard as we want but no matter what we do it’ll never work, we will always mess up. God new that and that’s one of the reasons why his son Jesus died for us, so that we could get to heaven. “Because the wages of sin is death” we would have never made it to heaven if it wasn’t for Jesus.
I told John that I make mistakes all the time, weather its messing up and falling into old bad habits or if its finding myself lying. The mistakes can be anything but I confess them to God and every time, weather I think I deserve it or not he takes me back.
I recently make a huge mistake and honestly I wished that God could punish me somehow so I would learn from it. I always learn from my mistakes but for some odd reason I seem to make it again. Sometimes it’s not for a long time like 4 months or a short period of time like 2 days but ether way it doesn’t matter because God loves me and he knows that I’m going to be faced with temptation throughout my whole life.
So why with the knowledge that I have, make the same mistake again if I know it’s not right?
Sometimes were so blinded by what we see and feel and ignore what God is trying to tell us. I may know that God is with me and I can count on Him to get me through these temptations but sometimes… I don’t want his help. That is why I make the same mistakes over and over again; because I try so hard to handle things on my own. I try so hard to say that everything is ok when there is something on my mind. I try so hard to tell God that I don’t need his help, that I can do it on my own. But clearly I can’t do it on my own because I keep falling into the same mistakes over and over again, just because I want to be strong and do it on my own.
After I messed up I talked to God and confessed what I did. I was so angry at my self and wanted to commit the same sin again just because I was made that I fell into temptation again. For a couple of days I was really down because I hadn’t forgiven my self for it. I talked to God again and asked him to give me peace about it. He spoke to me and said:
“Taylor I love you so much and I know you messed up but see how long you went without falling into that temptation? You are so amazing and I know you are stronger than you think”
Ok God didn’t really speak these words to me but this is what I felt like he was telling me. Soon after this I felt at peace with myself and was finally able to move on. God works in weird ways but He always takes me back even when I don’t think I deserve it, he does. It’s because of God I stand here or…. write here, and it’s because of God that I know everything will always be ok. Sometimes the hardest part in life is trying to find the courage to forgive yourself but one thing you can always count on is that God has got your back and he is lever going to let you fall.
This story is example of how God forgives us of our sins and I know a lot of people feel like John (the homeless man I mentioned above) and I know it’s hard to even fathom that someone could or would want even want to take you back. But let me tell you He does and He is honored to have you back in his family.
God has taught me so many things and I would love to go back to that park and find John again and share with him this story that God has given me to tell. This story that can some how or some way relate to him. It may not be the same circumstance but God does everything for a reason and this is the testimony I would like to share with him. I hope and pray that my blog will somehow benefit someone in the future.
God Bless. :)